i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
