At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
