i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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