dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
