its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
