Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
