sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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