3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
