Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
