You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
