Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
