Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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