so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
