i just google imaged poop.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's always time for handjobs
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
