WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
