me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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