I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
