I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
