when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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