i just wanna soil my oats bro
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
