We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
