I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
