I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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