I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is the high leading the old right now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
