Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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