did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
