hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
