I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
