my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
