....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
