Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
