Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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