I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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