Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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