No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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