return my video game
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
