are you so shy because you have an std?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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