i think my tv is drunk
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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