I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
