Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
