The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
