I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
