Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
