So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
