I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
