Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
