how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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