okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
