What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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