you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
