I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
